Okay, so you know how I've been hinting about my awesome, new pattern release? Well, it's been delayed for about 3 more weeks. I have to admit that, as the sensitive (and blubbering) idiot that I am, I cried. (I know...I'm pathetic)
I had the pattern and project done at least a month ago and have been waiting (trying to be patient...not one of personality traits I find easy) for it's release. The photos took the most time and all the details that go along with it.
I don't know how much I can say...I certainly don't want to bad mouth anyone or cause any ill feellings...but I can't help but feel so utterly disappointed, sad, angry and hurt.
I know...I'm probably over-reacting, right?
But, I've worked really hard on this project and design(s) and had been told for a while how the design would most likely be up yesterday or today. I guess I was premature in getting all giggly and excited with my knitting group on Wednesday (saying they could check out the website soon for my new designs). Now I just feel foolish.
I finally realized how difficult it is to work with others without being able to talk to them face to face....or even phone to phone. One minute, it's a raving email about how talented a designer you are, how great the patterns you've created are, and how super you are and, the next one, something completely different...the words truly chopping down any self-confidence I have as a newbie designer....and to a lesser extent...as a person in general....an email giving me the impression that I'm lucky to even be dealing with the company at all...which I can only hope is NOT the intent, but just my hurt reaction and incorrect interpretation of the email. (That does happen with email conversations, after all, right?)
I'm thinking, would it be better to just publish my patterns myself? (which has been suggested to me more than once....either out of a desire to stop working with me (am I that horrible?)...or as a sincere suggestion of faith and attractiveness of my patterns...can't be sure....) Should I send them to MagKnits or Knitty or Interweave Knits or Vogue or something? Should I save myself the emotional turmoil and frustration and go out on my own....? Would I be better off or not?
I have no idea.
I've certainly felt a GREAT deal of gratitude for those having an interest in publishing my designs and for dealing with my ignorance of the "pattern publishing world", but I do have feelings and I wonder if others who design have felt that they are being condescended to and only tolerated, instead of appreciated. And, again, I am more sensitive than most people...so there's that, too.
All I know is that...in everything I do, create, knit or design...I put all of myself into it and that includes some pride and heart.
Boy...for anyone who read all of this, thank you. I feel better and it's a relief to be able to talk about it to people who will probably understand.
I am still going to be excited for the release at the end of March. The pattern(s) are still incredibly cool and I love them. If anyone wants to send me a cyber hug, I'm in sore need of one! Any comments or suggestions or commisserations? (Is that a word?)