Friday, March 02, 2007

Utterly and Completely Disappointed

Okay, so you know how I've been hinting about my awesome, new pattern release? Well, it's been delayed for about 3 more weeks. I have to admit that, as the sensitive (and blubbering) idiot that I am, I cried. (I know...I'm pathetic)

I had the pattern and project done at least a month ago and have been waiting (trying to be patient...not one of personality traits I find easy) for it's release. The photos took the most time and all the details that go along with it.

I don't know how much I can say...I certainly don't want to bad mouth anyone or cause any ill feellings...but I can't help but feel so utterly disappointed, sad, angry and hurt.

I know...I'm probably over-reacting, right?

But, I've worked really hard on this project and design(s) and had been told for a while how the design would most likely be up yesterday or today. I guess I was premature in getting all giggly and excited with my knitting group on Wednesday (saying they could check out the website soon for my new designs). Now I just feel foolish.

I finally realized how difficult it is to work with others without being able to talk to them face to face....or even phone to phone. One minute, it's a raving email about how talented a designer you are, how great the patterns you've created are, and how super you are and, the next one, something completely different...the words truly chopping down any self-confidence I have as a newbie designer....and to a lesser a person in email giving me the impression that I'm lucky to even be dealing with the company at all...which I can only hope is NOT the intent, but just my hurt reaction and incorrect interpretation of the email. (That does happen with email conversations, after all, right?)

I'm thinking, would it be better to just publish my patterns myself? (which has been suggested to me more than once....either out of a desire to stop working with me (am I that horrible?)...or as a sincere suggestion of faith and attractiveness of my patterns...can't be sure....) Should I send them to MagKnits or Knitty or Interweave Knits or Vogue or something? Should I save myself the emotional turmoil and frustration and go out on my own....? Would I be better off or not?

I have no idea.

I've certainly felt a GREAT deal of gratitude for those having an interest in publishing my designs and for dealing with my ignorance of the "pattern publishing world", but I do have feelings and I wonder if others who design have felt that they are being condescended to and only tolerated, instead of appreciated. And, again, I am more sensitive than most there's that, too.

All I know is everything I do, create, knit or design...I put all of myself into it and that includes some pride and heart.

Boy...for anyone who read all of this, thank you. I feel better and it's a relief to be able to talk about it to people who will probably understand.

I am still going to be excited for the release at the end of March. The pattern(s) are still incredibly cool and I love them. If anyone wants to send me a cyber hug, I'm in sore need of one! Any comments or suggestions or commisserations? (Is that a word?)


Nichole said...

BIG HUGS coming your way Gina... you are wonderfully talented, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Anonymous said...

{{{HUGS}}} I certainly can understand your hurt feelings; I'm very sensitive too and would probably feel the same. As to whether you should self publish or not, I don't have any experience so I couldn't say what you should do. I certainly think that you should not be putting in all the time and effort for a company that makes you feel unappreciated. Perhaps an e-mail to them explaining how you feel would help. Maybe they could clear up any misunderstandings (which are entirely possible through e-mail conversations).

Jackie said...

I can completely agree, it sucks when someone else drops the ball and you're left holding the (empty) bag. You should totally publish your patterns yourself. You are so super taleted, I love all your patterns. You could even sell them as PDFs from your blog.

yarnophiliac said...

I know it is so hard to wait -- your creations are your babies. It's kinda like someone telling you, oops! we got your due date wrong! come back next month. Do be sure tho that your designs are lovely, and valuable, and I think you should take your ideas to many places and in many directions. Think of how many authors get regected by so many publishers until they find the right home for their work? No need to put all your eggs in one basket, and the more exposure you get, the better for all involved. Cheer up sweetie! YOU ARE LOVED!

KC said...

Oh Girl, I understand! I have never submitted a pattern but I know how it feels to put your hart into something and lay it out there and wait for the response. Hang in there! I'm sure everything will turn out better than you think!

bunnysquirrel said...

virtual *hugs* and chocolate kisses! hang in there, i'm sure the pattern will be awesome. :)

Cayli said...

(((Gina))) loads of big hugs! I understand how you feel about being under appreciated for your work, but know there are many more people who love what you do.

YogaGardenGirl said...

To all the wonderful friends who commented...I can't tell you how much it meant to me that you read/"listened" and understood.

I read back and hope I don't sound like a whiny bitch (which I have known to be at times...hopefully TOO frequently!). It's been hard to get anyone here to understand my blubbering (who can blame them if they aren't knitters or have designed a pattern of their own?)...and I know pretty much all of you have designed something yourself, so you understand.

I'm going to buck up, try to be patient and just wait it out. Who might be even better to have them published more toward spring. And I should be more tolerant and understanding of their side, right??? (right???)

(Now, if only I can let go of my teeny, tiniest bit of resentment of the other designers who are working along side me (though much more experienced) who will get their designs published in the next couple of weeks while mine is on the back burner.....damn those evil feelings!!!!!!)

Thank you again everyone and I could really feel all the hugs!!!! : )

GamecockDoc said...

Big hug directed your way. Try not to let it get you too down. You are super talented and your patterns are great. You should definately work on getting them out in other ways like Knitty or right here on your own site.

Amanda1 said...

Aw, Gina... I'm sorry you feel hurt. You're such a warm and welcoming person, and your sensitivity is what makes you a good friend because you can put yourself in other's shoes. I know we haven't known each other long, but I feel so comfortable talking to you! Please don't let this get you down. You ARE SUPER TALENTED. I think you should try to get your work published through different companies, and try selling through your blog like Jackie said.

Please keep your chin up and keep trying!


Gigi said...

She doesn't appreciate what a gem she has in you! The designs are beautiful, never doubt it!

sopranospinner said...

Cyber hugs coming your way! I know I've been waiting for your patterns because you're very talented and if I have to wait a bit more (or buy them directly from you) so be it! I'll still be here!

Sonya said...

Sonya here (Lora's KY knitting buddy) Do not waste energy and talent on those that are not 110% behind you. We all want to be appreciated for our efforts and talents. If that is lacking in your current situation, look elsewhere.

kimberly said...

A big hug is coming your way from Germany. I'm just as sensitive as you and can understand your dissapointment and hurt. It must be horrible. Don't let them get you down!! You don't deserve it. I'm still a bit hurt from my little nasty email incident a while ago. It can really hurt when you put yourself and your creations out there and others knock you down. HUGS!!!

Melissa said...

aw Gina, of COURSE you were disappointed! From what you have said, this person has been Jekyll and Hyde from the start! Maybe we should create a designers website where people like you can sell their patterns and not have to deal with going through others!!

Lora said...

Publish your own honey!! Us Manchvegans know how awesome your patterns are and by HECK I WANNA SEE THE NEW ONES COMING OUT a much as you want them out!
I only wish for your to soar with your patterns and knitting! I KNOW what passion and love you put into your work!! Chin up dear!!

Amy Boogie said...

From another designer, I feel your pain. I've had crappy things happen too. I think many designers have, maybe it's a right of passage. Hang in there.