Friday, September 01, 2006
At first, they looked at her teeth and bottom and said there could be hope, even after the xrays showed it was wool block, but later, the vet came in and said that any treatment would just bring her more suffering. This was so painful to hear.
Because of her large, fluffy white coat, we didn't know that she was only skin and bones underneath. The diet plan that was given to us was mostly to bring out a nice coat in the bunny...not really one to keep her healthy and strong. I've never had a bunny before, so I followed the instructions we'd gotten. But, the foods we were giving her (oats, sunflower seeds and pellet food) should have been eliminated and she should have primarily been fed hay (which we did give her lots of everyday) and leafy greens.
I can't tell you how much it hurt me to know that I'd fed her the wrong things. Thank goodness Ian suggested early on that she run around the yard every day (which I thought was dangerous for her, though it was probably actually one of the things that made her live as long as she did).
I made a fool of myself crying uncontrollably at the vet. Ian was very strong for all of us. I felt so sorry for my older son, Tim, because he was inconsolable and sobbed like I've never seen him do before. Neither Tim nor I have ever lost a pet and he kept saying, "Why can't we SAVE her???". We tried to explain how we would pay anything or do anything for her if we could, but she had been suffering for longer than we thought (we were told that bunnies easily disguise their health) and there was no hope. We didn't want her to suffer anymore. The vet didn't think she'd live through any treatments or hospitalization.
When I had to sign the euthanasia form, my hand was shaking so much....I could barely do it. I hated to do it. It was the most horrible feeling I've ever had. When the brought her in so we could say goodbye, I didn't think I could hold it together. I petted her (she was wrapped in a soft towel) and told her how sorry I was that I didn't do the right things for her. Both Ian and I felt like we let her down. Poor Tim couldn't bear to see her and had to sit in the car. I can't tell you how hard it was to say goodbye. It killed me.
We had her body wrapped up in the blanket I'd made and they put her in a nice box. Today, we're going out to buy a small tree or flowering plant and we'll be burying her in the backyard...having a small and loving burial for her. We wanted her close by and not in some pet cemetary, where she'd be lonely....sounds dumb, but that's how we felt.
Today is even more horrible. Seeing her bunny cage, her dishes and hay....the great new big cage that Ian made for her.....I don't know what to do. Tim and I keep crying. Poor Ben said on the way home last night, "Where's the bunny? Want the bunny!" and Tim sobbed even harder. Ben didn't understand that she'd died.
To my dear, lovely, sweet Tubbsie....I'm so sorry that I failed you and I enjoyed every minute of seeing you hop around the yard, holding you in my arms and seeing you munch on your hay. Thank you for the little bit of fur I have saved from you in plucking this year. I will treasure it always. I love you, my little girl bunny and I know you are somewhere safe, warm, happy and full of leafy green carrot tops, which were your favorite. Rest in Peace.
P.S. I'll have the giveaway another time. Sorry...I just couldn't do it yesterday.